i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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