my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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