that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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