My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
