i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
