I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
