I must be too annoying 4 u.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
