omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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