If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
