so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
