good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize