Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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