bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
