I wish I could punch you in the face.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize