Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
