Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
