Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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