So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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