Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
