I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
