and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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