God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
