the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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