it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
