whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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