do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
