I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
