this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
