We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize