Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
