I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
