Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
