yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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