ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
