do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
