im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
