Ambien. No doubt about it.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
