and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize