So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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