Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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