If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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