I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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