Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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