Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
