It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize