It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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