The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
