It's Friday. Sex?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
