rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
