we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
