3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
