awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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