Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
