put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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