Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
