dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
