I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
