I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize