i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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