He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
