ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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