I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
