in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
