Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Randomize
