fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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