Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
