its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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