So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize