I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
