she looked like the before picture.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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