I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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