the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
