Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she peed on how many people?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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