Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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