Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
