you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
