two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
