I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
