nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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